30.04.2009

When we vocalise more and more about visioning our future together, i felt the commitment and confidence. i used to be not sure of what in his mind, what if its just me visioning him in my future but not for him having me in his vision? That's why it seems so hard for me to accept that we will be apart. Come to tink of it now, we are both working harder to be a better and stronger person to love each other. What's sweeter than 2 person working towards a similar goal? But i still at the verge of crying when he went into the departure hall today, den he looked back and wave good bye :( that scene is so heartwrenching, machim watching drama... but it's happening real life ! I told myself that I have to trust and have confidence in him, he will work hard, will strive and i'll be here waiting for him.

Sigh... 2 more days.

Through the year..

I can't remember when you weren't there
When I didn't care for anyone but you
I swear we've been through everything there is
Can't imagine anything we've missed
Can't imagine anything the two of us can't do

Through the year, you've never let me down
You turned my life around
The sweetest days I've found, I've found with you
Through the years
I've never been afraid, I've loved the life we've made
And I'm so glad I've stayed, right here with you
Through the years

I can't remember what I used to do
Who I trusted whom, I listened to before
I swear you've taught me everything I know
Can't imagine needing someone so
But through the years it seems to me
I need you more and more
Through the years, through all the good and bad
I know how much we had
I've always been so glad to be with you
Through the years
It's better everyday, you've kissed my tears away
As long as it's okay, I'll stay with you
Through the years

Through the years, when everything went wrong
Together we were strong
I know that I belonged right here with you
Through the years
I never had a doubt, we'd always work things out
I've learned what love's about, by loving you
Through the years

People got me into the mood of checking out rings. People harping, people getting married and people who already married. Why is it proposal ring is always diamond? Though old people thinks that it's not worth it because can't sell it for $$.. BUT THINK, WHO THE HELL WILL WANT TO THINK OF SELLING THEIR RING? CRAZY. Anyway, researched and found.. yayayayayaya... no wonder people loves to hao lian their watsoever tiny like pimple sized diamond ring.

I just told hunnie actually i dun fancy diamond which is not TRUE. XIM TIA his $$... BUT PIAN YI TA LE LOR!!!!!!!!!!!!! CANNOT PAMPER HIM TOO MUCH. SOME MONEY IS MUST SPEND ONE. WITH DIAMOND RING, HOUSE ALSO MUST SPEND ONE. CANNOT EITHER OR, IS A MUST AND MUST THING. CANNOT BE A CHEAPSKATE BRIDE.

THE BIGGER THE BETTER, THE CLEARER THE BETTER. SHINY UNTIL CAN REFLECT NEXT BLOCK. I BETTER NOT REGRET THE REST OF MY LIFE. CANNOT DEPRIVE MYSELF OF NOT GETTING A DIAMOND RING. I LOVE DIAMOND, IT'S A WOMAN'S THING.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

With a rich history dating back to the 15th century, the diamond engagement ring is an enshrined and deeply rooted symbol of betrothal in western society. Beginning in 1477, as a sign of his love and commitment to his offer of marriage, the Archduke Maximillian of Austria presented Mary of Burgundy a diamond engagement ring to mark their engagement. At this time diamonds were considered a talisman of good fortune for a husband and wife.

Later, in 1870, diamond mines were discovered in southern Africa, which opened up the diamond market. This allowed more people to take on the practice of presenting the diamond engagement ring. Worn on the third finger on the left hand, which dates from the Egyptian belief that this was the only finger which held a vein that led straight to the heart (the vena amoris, or vein of love), this began the enduring western legacy of the diamond engagement ring.

Very funny nowdays kids… “what you want to be when you grow up?” “tai tai”….. -.- Seriously eh… what’s so good being a tai tai. I’ve never really fancied any rich man, I don’t yearn to be a tai tai like most girls because I cannot stand that kind of boredom (i.e. what to do everyday, manicure mahjong etc) because I’m really not into the you know.. mahjong kind of person and I don’t have many friends to do all these tai tai things with me nah!!!! But i like to harp on this to hunnie to inspire him hahahahaha anyway, I also don’t want to risk my husband next time to be anywhere but home with his numerous mistresses, yahh yahh because he’s rich so he can afford to have many mistresses and many thick skin women will get close to him. SO, I don’t want a rich man, but i would want a man who can make it rich. So it doesnt matter if he is not rich, because i know one day he is gonna make it big hehehehehehehehehehe but that doesn’t mean he can be … poor until cannot afford to buy me my S$1 ka chiang pu teh.. and also not poor due to gambling or whatever dabian!! And most importantly, he must be able to afford a king size bed.

A boy and a girl were playing together. The boy had a collection of marbles. The girl had some sweets with her. The boy told the girl that he will give her all his marbles in exchange for her sweets. The girl agreed.

The boy kept the biggest and the most beautiful marble aside and gave the rest to the girl. The girl gave him all her sweets as she had promised. That night, the girl slept peacefully. But the boy couldn’t sleep as he kept wondering if the girl had hidden some sweets from him the way he had hidden his best marble.

Moral of the story:

If you don’t give your hundred percent in a relationship, you’ll always keep doubting if the other person has given his/her hundred percent. This is applicable for any relationship like love, friendship, employer-employee relationship etc. Give your hundred percent to everything you do and sleep peacefully. It’s nice to be an important person, but it’s more important to be a nice person.

you gan er fa

Went for dinner with Min just now... talk about our bfs. You know, the feeling of talking about them is sweet... like talk and talk your heart will flutter? Not the complaining kind of feeling, but the “thinking of the bf and how stewpig and how cute and how good and how loved they are” kind of feeling? Hahaha hard to describe! I guessed that’s the “happily attached” kind of feeling. Will I miss this feeling when talking about hunnie after he goes Dubai? I think I will have “missing and sad” feeling once he flies... haiz!!!!

Frankly, hunnie really drives me mad at times, I almost wanted to stand up and walk away. He doesn’t pamper me, doesn't say nice things about me, sometimes he make me feel I’m not worth a cent. He doesn’t reply my sms often and also doesn’t like to chat on the phone with me. He doesn’t praise me, not even tell me that I look good when I ALWAYS take the effort to dress up for him, he ALWAYS think that I am ugly and fat. Sometimes I don’t know what am I to him, I don’t feel important at all. He has expectations and I need to fulfill. Worst still, he doesn’t trust me.

So yah, if I tell people– they will just say, so why bother this relationship?

Sometimes I will think why he can’t bring me to holidays when all my friends’ boyfriend bring them to everywhere... showering them with gifts and love.. Praise them of how pretty they are... and so the more I think, the angrier I am. Then I cooled down, and think... the reason that I am angry is simply because I am comparing to others, by comparing then I will feel this is unfair... So why compare?

There are times he makes me feel like the luckiest gal around, he cares for me, deep into my health and daily well-being. He plays with me and always able to cheer me up. I feel most comfortable with him, I feel attached to him and that is what most important and matters to me. I trust him completely. Very good thing is that we do not quarrel, if either party is angry or unreasonable... we let each other cool down... and all things will be fine very soon. We do not have argument. Our relationship has been smooth sailing. How many couple out there can be like this? I know of many couples, they really quarrel almost every time... we are lucky that our relationship is not like this coz I strongly believe that each and every one quarrel brings a small scar to the relationship if not handled properly.

I believe every relationship has its own unique way. I believe that hunnie indeed love me a lot but bad at expressing himself... he never did tell me how much he loves me and how much he scared to lose me. Perhaps he just doesn’t feel good doing that. Though many times I get upset thinking of what I’m not given, what I don't have and what he doesn’t give me. But I learnt that I should be grateful of what I have, what I’m given, instead of the opposite. Truly, Life seems much better when people is contented. Though sometimes unhappy why he always asking and demanding this and that – just shows that he doesn’t love me for what I am. Now I know, although the way he portray his expectations is not in my preferred way, its still his way of showing his care and concern. He wants me to learn.

SIGH… He should also be truly grateful to have such an understanding and considerate me! Hahaha I think I am a gem nor... But he did mention that I am just a normal girl – alright, back to the beginning… this comment from him really makes me INSIDE JUMPING mad OKIE.

AIYA. Sometimes, woman xu yao bei hong hong yi de la.. wah piangz..

for fun :) but interesting neh!

THE ROOSTER LOVER
Roosters are generally pretty black or white when it comes to their feelings. They either like you, or they don’t. There is no in between. Although they are vocal with opinions and ideas, Roosters are pretty tight-lipped about their personal emotions and feelings. They certainly don’t wear their hearts on their sleeves. They are intensely private people who never kiss and tell.

hmm... true.

THE TIGER LOVER
Tigers are incredibly sexy people, beautiful to most people and sensually romantic. They are spontaneous lovers who never lose their creative spark or flare for an evening of passion. They offer their partner a hint of danger and exhibit a curiosity for the unknown.

ah?

ROOSTER MARRIAGE
Roosters are not extremely easy to live with. However, if you can get past their bossy, obstinate, my way or no way exterior, you find a wonderfully romantic, caring individual hidden beneath. Their hearts are made of solid gold and they genuinely care abut their family and friends as mush as they care about themselves (believe it or not!). They are not suited for a sensitive partner, again, their candor and wit can be humiliating at times. Roosters can be highly critical of their partners, often expecting too much of them.

true...

TIGER MARRIAGE
Once a Tiger has committed himself to you, he can tend to want to dominate or lead you. This is a natural nurturing mechanism and must be kept under close watch to avoid complete control. For the negative effects a Tiger can have on his partner, there are a zillion positive things he will bring to the relationship. Trust, passion, politeness and spontaneity are only a few characteristics of the Tiger mate.

ah...?

PISCEAN ROOSTER
Stubborn, yet sensitive describes this combination. Piscean Roosters are not as blunt as other Roosters and take into consideration the feelings of whomever they are about to offend. They do not like confrontation or discord of any sort and will run from it if they have to.

true... though.. still quite irritating sometime..

AQUARIAN TIGER
These Tigers ignore the rules and regulations of society and choose instead to focus on matters of the heart. They tend to forget about the emotions involved in these matters, which causes them to seem harder and less sensitive.

hmm.. quite true i tink.. i'm like that.

THE METAL ROOSTER 1921 AND 1981
Metal Roosters can come off as arrogant and stuck up at times. They need a cushion for that overextended ego and someone to make sure it stays inflated. They are reasonable people who seem to analyze every decision they make and every situation they find themselves in. They are standoffish at times and can let their aggression get in the way of a blossoming friendship or romance. These Roosters should take a breather from their egos long enough to really enjoy what they have to offer.

hahahahahahahahaha

THE FIRE TIGER 1926 AND 1986
Eccentric and dramatic, Fire Tigers are aglow with passion and verve. They are outgoing, expressive and look on the bright side of things. They have the Tiger’s natural ability to lead others and are able to excite others simply with their own gift of enthusiasm. They can be funny and have great senses of humor. Tigers are powerful speakers and have the ability to command and persuade crowds through speech. Their own seemingly endless supply of energy can make them appear a bit dramatic, and it may make them more sensitive to cautious or down-to-earth approaches in others.

i used to be like this when im young.. story telling competition somemore, leader, always nominated in school...! but ever since started poly days - complete english speaking course, i shut up.. and working now, ppl start to betray my trust. i just feel that i dun need so many fake friends :) true true! but i'm still noisy with my close friends!

AQUARIUS & PISCES
You each have your own little dream world, and sometimes it's like being on different planets. If you want to stay together, you need to share some space in the real world.

hehehehe yah...

Work: Pisces can be a valuable mentor to Aquarius in the work place. Aquarius can seem cold to other workers and Pisces can help to open up a little to their colleagues. Aquarius will remind Pisces of the fact that there is a world beyond the work environment and help them to hold on to their dreams.

hehehehe..

Friendship: This can be a very long lasting friendship. Pisces understands that Aquarian need to explore new and unusual concepts and with their natural wisdom can often help Aquarius to come to some definite conclusions. At the same time Aquarius can act as an inspiration to the artistically minded Piscean.

Love: Contentment can be found in a relationship between Pisces and Aquarius, but it will require compromise on both sides. Pisces needs to remember that Aquarius may require long periods of reflection on their own. Aquarius will need to control their impulse to rebel against any stabilising influence.

yahhhhh!!!!!!

i know i shouldnt be feeling or thinking this way. but sometimes i wonder why do i have such a family? why such problems? why such dad? why such mum? why such sis? why me??????? i'm so tired to even listening to mum's rants now..... its the same every day - every year - every time.. so what now? am i not supposed to get married happily? why am i a woman? i should be a guy.. because guy will not so emotional, and guy brings new family home but woman leaves her family and start a new one, investing everything including her life to this new family and if things doesn't work out well, she loses every single thing in life. Why must i be in such situation? as much as i wanted to settle down, i can't bear to leave mum, i can't bear the thinking that she will be alone, she will go back.. alone. after all these years, she is the only one bringing me and sis up. The thought of this just make me unhappy, just make me sad, just make me depressed.. i've always been thinking of what do i want in life? thinkings just make me regret that why am i not a guy.. if i am, perhaps everything will just change. Im sandwiched in between.. i have to be the middle person everytime, talk to dad.. den mum ask, i reply, den mum ask again.. she is always so suspicious and scared that dad will "poison" me with his side of story and that i will leave him, will not support her anymore, and she will start ranting her stories again and again, im the only one listening to her coz sis is married and where is she? with husband.. she cares? she only uses her temper to solve problems, she is forever subjective. As much as im angry with dad, he is still my dad. I really dun feel like taking sides... i only want to be their good daughter. Im really so fed up and tired of all these...i got nobody to talk to. even talking to hunnie doesn't help becoz he doesn't understand my situation, he is not a party to this, he doesn't know what i've been going through. i do wish to be with him, but im still scared. i scared i will also, lose everything in the end. who can understand the feeling? since i'm just a primary school kid.. while other kids are tinking of eating reunion dinner with their family, i'm just trying to be happy every new year's eve.. it's been 10 years we have not had reunion dinner together as a family- just 4 of us. time flies and will not return.

work again.

seriously neh... if i don't complain, i got nothing to blog about!

Coz basically, i don't hang out with people.. i'm a very home person and quite, anti-social. SO yah.. had corp meeting just now.. hate it when the meeting is always abt those aunties rantling on and on about how many files they have, how difficult their clients and problems yada yada.... oh please, i just kept quiet throughout - not that i'm haolian, but i seriously think that their problems are as simple as ABC coz i've studied and done it before. The aunties just don't want to come and ask ME, because they think i'm a junior and knows nothing.. feel like laughing out loud. SO BE IT. I know each and every answer to their so-called problems. Well.. if dignity is so important, then go back to school and learn fundamental corp practice and they will know nah.. but i don't bother talking, none of my business anyway. They want to brag about their problems, they can continue........... but they bragged on till 7pm -.-""""""" and i shut down 90% of the time EXCEPT for the time when they talk about juicy gossips!

hahaha well......... other than work, hunnie is very busy today to entertain me. Also shut down completely when someone starts to brag.. about holiday... rich friends.. blah blah blah.. how childish can one get? okie. none of my business again.. lets see how long can i tahan this nonsense. I know i'm weird, but to see if someone can be my long and close friends, I got mood one. Not that I'm in need of friends.. i've got few close friends enough already!